A moment of thoughts

I'll pray at night to comsume my hate.
With my will, I tried not to be astray.
Memories be left alone in the dark.
Untouched by anyone.
Dreams I have at night will be carried through my day by my side.
Lingering around in my mind, liberating what I feared most.
Every night I'll pray for forgiveness, which I doubt it will be given and yet I still believed. Silence is my friend, death is my parent.
How am I to live like this?
Time turned on me, became an enemy I dare not to fight as men lived on me, giving nothing but pain to my life.
Nothing to fear as fear itself was invited into my life.
May Death be my help as it has always been my parent.
Gently it will take them all away.
Leaving me alone to bury the past.
What is known to me will forever be lost.
The future will be nothing more but a hisory.
What have I become?
Is this what God wants?
My sins shall be atoned.
With blood i shed, as a pass to leave hell.
Alone to walk the path as blood becomes my shoe.
How I longed to be free..