Choices of living
Every second I heaved for breathe, corrupted by my mistakes. All that I have done was neither for love nor passion but guilt. I am but an instrument, made to bring equilibrium between love and hate. How I brought balance; that I am afraid to say. Disgrace wasn’t the cause for my silence but fear. Fear of hatred towards my mistakes. Fear of acceptance when I am known. Fear of pain when one would be lost.
To them, I may be strong but to myself I am weak. Down by my knees wishing rip my feelings away from my thoughts. My life is to be lived in the dark, in silence where I could wander around aimlessly till I find my mistakes.
My mistakes are for myself to face. A burden I wish none would know but it was too late. Lives of innocents changed because of my mistakes. Some felt it as a wonderful gift given to humanity enabling them to reach heights no living being could ever imagine. Others felt it as a curse. Condemned by God himself, a punishment severely torturing our souls to open our eyes as what we had done in this world will never be in heaven.
Why have I been placed in this world with feelings I know may hurt. They left me alone with others I hated and yet admire. A twisted little world I couldn’t bare to see and yet I still do. One by one they reached my heart, melting the ice around trying to keep it warm. Till then one came and gave me hope. Hope I could never imagine such a thing would exists.
In the end, hope is just a dream lived by people that have nothing else to loose. What I wished for was right in front of me and yet I feared too much to reach it. So I walked away, trying to change my state of thinking to something that leaves happiness dead and pain as my comfort. Even when I tried to move away, my heart still wishes. Wishing for the one who gave me hope comes and takes me away. Will it ever come?
To them, I may be strong but to myself I am weak. Down by my knees wishing rip my feelings away from my thoughts. My life is to be lived in the dark, in silence where I could wander around aimlessly till I find my mistakes.
My mistakes are for myself to face. A burden I wish none would know but it was too late. Lives of innocents changed because of my mistakes. Some felt it as a wonderful gift given to humanity enabling them to reach heights no living being could ever imagine. Others felt it as a curse. Condemned by God himself, a punishment severely torturing our souls to open our eyes as what we had done in this world will never be in heaven.
Why have I been placed in this world with feelings I know may hurt. They left me alone with others I hated and yet admire. A twisted little world I couldn’t bare to see and yet I still do. One by one they reached my heart, melting the ice around trying to keep it warm. Till then one came and gave me hope. Hope I could never imagine such a thing would exists.
In the end, hope is just a dream lived by people that have nothing else to loose. What I wished for was right in front of me and yet I feared too much to reach it. So I walked away, trying to change my state of thinking to something that leaves happiness dead and pain as my comfort. Even when I tried to move away, my heart still wishes. Wishing for the one who gave me hope comes and takes me away. Will it ever come?
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