forgotten memories

Quietly I calmed myself down and then angered my feelings again knowing well that it may do no good for me. Refusing to take back what I had done, making sure none surpasses my sins. On nights I prayed, asking for your answer and yet none returned.

My beloved, the last I will love. Death means nothing, as long as you’re safe. I won’t know what to say or do but when the time is right, I will know how to react to the moment. Blinded by your beauty, deafened by your sweet voice, my world has become meaningful again. My heart once locked, keys thrown away never letting anyone in. but you found them and my trust was unlocked, given to you as you gave yours to me. You were my light in the darkest hours, my soul when my faith was lost.

Soft, you were. How sweet of you. To hold my hands. How sweet of you to smile when I was down. Helped me up to my feet whenever I fall. Brighten my life, darkened my past. Wonderful, an angel bestowed upon earth. How close were we together? Could we have been closer to each other? Could we have changed the way we are now? Could we have made a difference then?

I am just a walking shadow that happens to pass you by. Among the crowd that happens to slip pass you. I shall live among the dead when we are to talk. I shall be a stranger to our children’s eyes. A father they never had before. Tears escaped from my eyes when I see a lie had been told to you. Someone believed to be a love you never had loved before. All is lost, never could they be returned. A cruel goodbye.

A wish is all I needed and yet it doesn’t exist. My heart bled when I see you in front of me. Looking at each other knowing that past memories never existed. Days spent thrown away in just a moment.

untitled VI

Words had been said to me that I’ve got no chance to go on with it. I threw them away but I myself is not sure how am I to face the world like this or how to react to what I am to feel while trying my best to handle the days that are to come. All of these are blurry but I am certain that I shall not let go of what I had said or promised.

Opened my heart and wanting my promise to stay there. Angered those around me and yet I feel them comforting me, loving the pain they give to me cause I know I have the strength to go on with my choice.

I shall remember this day that I had ignored all words, respecting no one beside me. I’ve done all this out of love. I shall miss you, dear. Miss the days you made me smile. I’ve always loved the way you love but I couldn’t love you back. Knowing the people around me shall try to beak what we had together.

It’s just not fair. But I guess this is part of the sufferings that one has to live through in life. How I wish it would go away. I shall leave my love to you here for your presence will only kill me more. Voices made sweet in my ears, purifying melodies. Even if you are still here, I shall not be there with you. There shall be times where I will need you in my arms for comfort but I shall have to live with the fact that you are not here anymore.

Imagined my life with you shall no longer in my mind. Thickened my feelings, not wanting to think of you. I begged to forget and yet my mind seems to be against me. I loved you then, and I shall love you now but I shall not be there to do so. Missing you while I waited behind you. Missing you while we share words.

Untitled III

I shall post more than one post today. this will be the first of the 3.



Tried and tried to ignore the pain. Grew up doing so until now not wanting to show it. Sacrifices have been made to withstand the pain that has been felt. Escaping the moments, wishing them to be past memories. Distorted our eyes, clarifying the answers we sought to find when everything is clearly dying right in front of us.

Emotions shown through time shall be our weakness. Sickened by the thought of it, glad to live through it though. I am my own majesty, a king controlling my own time and life. my mind is mine, not its own. I shall be the one making the choices, making sure what I wanted to feel. All is up to me to decide.

My own feet, I shall get up. Arise from a fall conquering every pain and suffering I have to pass. Endure them all shall be only way I could live my life happily, knowing I had passed them all and be proud of my accomplishments.

Lessons of life shall be open my eyes and help me to go on in life. Good things shall be with me, making my dreams into reality, crossing over the line between what’s real and what was not. Never shall I fall and never rise again. What has tried to put me down shall only do it once, for I am eternal. Never will my soul fall just for a simple mistake. I will reign and arise from the abyss, over and over again.

untitled II

i want to see you but you wouldn't see me.
i'm the past and the present that you are facing.
i'll be the last, the first for you to feel me.
wait in seconds, until you let your guard down.
make you feel i am around but never able to see me.

i'm trying to hold on, oh wait i can't be gone.
trying to stay calm, i won't let me be.
everything is wrong, denying me.
with words speaking of me. being paranoid
make them stop please. i won't let go.

wake me in my dream, imagined myself
i am not ready to break. tattered and torn
such a brat in me, lost life's will
you can't make me. loose control

this is such a fate, won't let it be
i think i'm ready now, or am i ready now?
when is the time that's right? ask me or ask the light?
i can't control my fate, i just can't
i can't control you fate, i just can't
i want to make them mine, i just can't
i want to make them yours. i just can't
i want to hurt your life, i just can't
i want to drink your tears, i just can't
i won't be the man,
who wants the fear to leave.

untitled I

Fascinated by marvelous things while being infatuated in useless objects, never knowing why. Better life style, rich and famous. There are times I got to breathe, inhaling glorious oxygen to release the tension that had built itself up inside of me.

Living alone in this pathetic world, having my role models killed, tearing my heroes apart. Wake up my fear; haunted by my past and feeling something inside of me had woken up again. The things that signifies my flaws shall be shown openly, scaring those around me away. Faces known to me shall disappear in time. Friends and families hall turn their backs on me.

I won’t be able to stand everyone’s faces. Distorted in my eyes, sickening myself. In time I shall crawl into my shell watching the world pass me by. Waiting for the right time before I open myself up to the world.

Questions asked from the beginning of my life are answered with my sins. Out from the ashes I came, wanting to watch the world crumble before my feet. I shall not be a dog to life, never controlled by anyone. My existence was made for me to control any way I want, moving where ever I want to go, making whatever choice I sees fit and taking any actions I feel is right. No one shall see what I truly feel about this place. Abhorring everything I encountered in life.

I am ogled, minuscule, being ridiculed and tormented by useless beings making themselves feels superior. Holding the pain, awaiting my reward. Something I have faith in but never believing in it much.