Fallen Hope

Pure beauty when one seems to smile. Joy of the world gave the sun purposes to shine. Hope brightens by the future which seems blurry. Happiness brings forth wonders, giving strength none could imagine. Sadness made perfect, flawed by pleasure. How it burnt so swiftly, I couldn’t tell. Souls taken against their will for the sake of happiness. Men dying to achieve something they believed to be real. Dying for something that only exists in their minds. For some death brings joy, for others it brings misery. Should the truth be told, or kept hiding from the world? Who in the world is given the rights to answer?

Tortured souls gave up false hope to people wanting nothing else but to be happy for eternity. When they reach the end, their hope for a future shattered by facts defying their courage. Time became an enemy, not wanting to be followed. Denying people’s efforts to survive. Life came to be, joining time as they began to fade from our eyes. Purposes for survival seems clear when one holds knowledge that consists of nothing but delight. When the world came crumbling before their feet, fear gave birth to anger, bearing a child all feared; suffering.

Offspring of sins gave birth to men. A flaw that seems to be perfect. Why should one continue on for life if it doesn’t even hear our cries? Angels came to take us away and angered by our fear, we were brought back to the world to pay for our mistakes. The punishment for men’s sins is to place them here on this very world and face through a process that bares everything signifying the devil; life.

Why should we die for something that doesn’t believe in us? Why should we pay for something that deserves nothing? The dead holds nothing. Memories cherished shall disappear into the abyss. Happy or sad, it makes no difference. Everything comes to an end when we are freed from life.

For this, I beg. Take me away and leave me be. Emptiness cherishes our sanity more than life. Death ends all pain, giving nothing to us but solitude. Why should we wait for 80 years when we can go forth by our own will?

Should we fear for our soul more than our life?

Chosen Decision

It was just a dream? Nothing more but fantasies I had desired? Why have it come to this? I see now that it is completely pointless for me to be asking myself all these questions. How can I answer them when I myself am the one who asks? Long have I endured the truth and now I realized I haven’t really accepted it.

How I adore these moments, knowing I am to be freed from everything and yet how I abhorred the facts that pushes me away from civilization. Ones I have faith in could only bring peace to my mind but none can bring forth happiness. Moments victory last only for a day while moments of misery lasts for decades. I can never run from reality. Never could, and never will but why am I still trying to?

Please, I beg of you. Leave me alone. Forget the things that I had said; forget the things I had done. Leave everything lost and never retrieve them. I want no part in anything anymore. What I have shall only be mine, no one else’s. The sight of you angers me. Knowing who you are brought pain and emptiness to my heart because I know what I desired from you could never be attained. I shouldn’t have reached out to you. I shouldn’t have come to you from the beginning. It will only bring pain to me and I hope it doesn’t to you.

A decision has been made by me. A decision that may hunt me, torture my thoughts while trying to make me regret for the rest of my life. Apart from that, I truly believe that it is the right way. So from here I bid my farewell to you.

I’ll pray at night my shadow will disappear. Leaving no traces of myself for you to follow. I wish to fade from you.

Divided Choices

My blood, tainted by the filth I abhorred. There I sat, watching as they flow out of my body. Like rivers calmly flowing away. My eyes began to change from black to grey. Barely capable to open them, I was getting weaker as time starts to move even faster. I felt nothing, neither pain nor anger. There was nothing for me left. Years have passed till memories were forgotten. Till I forgotten the feeling of happiness. After all these years, I finally remembered. Smiles of nothingness vanished. Now I am free. Away from my mistakes, away from everything that has been chaining my life from freedom. Kept me locked in unwilling to let me go.

Has it finally come, my demise? If so, then please take me away. I have had enough of everything. Ones I adore will die by my hands. Ones I abhor will be made by my hands. I wish to end it all. My existence imbalances the world. I have no heart to watch them die. The one that gave me hope will perish. I will push her away, keeping danger away.

I am whom you cursed as a monster. I am whom you hate as a criminal. I am whom you condemned as the devil’s significant. But to her, I am nothing more but a lost soul waiting for a savior. Will I be saved when all else has failed? Faces disappeared from me, fearing for the worst and there she was unwilling to leave.

You eyes tell stories only I could understand. You smiles brighten my day even when darkness covers all. For this I wished you would leave. For this I wished you will be safe from me, far way from me. Away from death that wanders around with me. For this I wished to let you go.

Alas, I dare to ask one last question before uncertainty fades away forever. Are you willing to accept me?

Choices of living

Every second I heaved for breathe, corrupted by my mistakes. All that I have done was neither for love nor passion but guilt. I am but an instrument, made to bring equilibrium between love and hate. How I brought balance; that I am afraid to say. Disgrace wasn’t the cause for my silence but fear. Fear of hatred towards my mistakes. Fear of acceptance when I am known. Fear of pain when one would be lost.

To them, I may be strong but to myself I am weak. Down by my knees wishing rip my feelings away from my thoughts. My life is to be lived in the dark, in silence where I could wander around aimlessly till I find my mistakes.

My mistakes are for myself to face. A burden I wish none would know but it was too late. Lives of innocents changed because of my mistakes. Some felt it as a wonderful gift given to humanity enabling them to reach heights no living being could ever imagine. Others felt it as a curse. Condemned by God himself, a punishment severely torturing our souls to open our eyes as what we had done in this world will never be in heaven.

Why have I been placed in this world with feelings I know may hurt. They left me alone with others I hated and yet admire. A twisted little world I couldn’t bare to see and yet I still do. One by one they reached my heart, melting the ice around trying to keep it warm. Till then one came and gave me hope. Hope I could never imagine such a thing would exists.

In the end, hope is just a dream lived by people that have nothing else to loose. What I wished for was right in front of me and yet I feared too much to reach it. So I walked away, trying to change my state of thinking to something that leaves happiness dead and pain as my comfort. Even when I tried to move away, my heart still wishes. Wishing for the one who gave me hope comes and takes me away. Will it ever come?